The One Question That Can Change Everything

[00:00:00] Change your perception of what you're looking at and everything changes. Hey, my name is Giorgio Genaus and this is the How To Do Life podcast. If you've ever felt that no matter what you try something is missing, then you're in the right place. My aim in this podcast is to begin filling in those blanks for you.

So open your mind and get ready. 'cause I'm about to show you an entirely different way to. And once you've seen it, you can't unsee it. So let's get started.

Here's the one question you're not asking yourself nearly enough, and that question is, is it true now, why is this an important question to ask? Well, as it relates to the mind, we all have these internal stories that are affecting us constantly and their beliefs that we've developed at some point in our lives.

Either through observation or through direct experience. [00:01:00] We've internalized these beliefs and we've made them truths. So these beliefs aren't necessarily truths, but we buy into them as if they are. And so we live our lives based on these falsehoods, based on these illusions that we've developed, not asking or questioning them enough.

And so I find myself spending a lot of time questioning my own beliefs, and I certainly do that with most of my clients because I. Wherever we feel like we're getting stuck, it's usually because we've bought into a belief and made it a truth and haven't questioned that truth. So, for example, in different circumstances, in the past, I had this inner dialogue of that I was saying to myself, I'm not good enough.

But it was a really generalized blanket statement about myself that I'm not good enough. And when I finally learned the trick. Thankfully I learned this from reading Socrates and, uh, [00:02:00] a couple of mentors of mine, but when I finally learned this truth or this, this question to ask myself, is this true? I started to find that my whole perception changed and my experience of the circumstances started to change just by asking that one question.

So when I had this, this belief that I'm not good enough, I asked myself, is that true? Is this really a question of me being good enough or worthy enough? No. The issue here is I don't have the skillset yet. That's the true statement. But I was changing and I was buying into this belief and making it true that I was not good enough.

And so what I was doing was the underlying truth was I don't have the skillset yet, and then I was making that a belief that I am not good enough. But because I didn't have that skillset, it didn't mean I wasn't good enough. It just meant that I didn't have the skillset. And so you [00:03:00] can see how. There's this huge leap between the two.

Like one is quite an extreme belief to develop off the back of just not having a skillset. But we have these internal dialogues and when we speak them out or we write them out, or we get really honest with ourselves and we start to lay it out in front of us, it doesn't sound rational at all. It sounds completely irrational and it is 'cause it's based on emotion.

Because what had happened was I developed a belief at a young age that if I didn't have a specific skillset, if I didn't have enough knowledge that that meant I wasn't good enough. And that was just purely because of the relationship that I had with my father, who was highly intelligent, and I felt like I could never keep up with his intelligence.

So because of that, I felt like I wasn't good enough. So I had developed this belief that not being smart enough or not having a skillset, whether it was a skillset of knowledge or a skillset of experience, that not having that meant I wasn't good enough. And so I'd connected these two things together when in reality they're completely different and they're not [00:04:00] the same thing.

And you know, as we continue to unpack this, you can look at it and say, okay, well if someone doesn't have the skillset yet. That's reasonable because we we're not born with the skillset of being able to know everything or do whatever it is that we wanna specialize in. All the experts that we all know start as a novice.

They start as a beginner at some point, or a version of an apprentice. And then we learn the skills through exposure to the information, exposure to processes, exposure to the actual craft. And as a result, we then develop our ability to do so. We develop our own skillset. We then take it and try and gain our own experience with that knowledge we've acquired.

And then we develop our skillset even further into eventual mastery. So you is, as long as you're associating a, a lack of skillset with a sense of worthiness or lack of worthiness, you're gonna struggle to get going and you're gonna experience this rollercoaster of a ride of [00:05:00] worthiness. When all you're trying to do is develop a skillset in whatever craft that you're trying to develop in your life.

So ask yourself, is it true? I had this experience with a client where they came to me and they said, after a lot of reluctance of getting back out into dating, after having a really challenging relationship with someone who left them for somebody else and they're really bruised by the experience, we eventually worked through all the wounds around that experience and then.

I encouraged them to get back out into dating, which they did. And there was one experience where they were texting somebody to go out on a date. They went out on a date and that person showed interest in having a second date. And my client came to me saying they were really thrilled, but then there was silence.

So they said they wanted to go on a second date. Um, this guy said he wanted to go on a second date with my client. But then there were crickets for like two or three days, no response. And she asked me like, [00:06:00] what am I supposed to do here? I'm like, here I am. It's the first time I'm finally getting out after this painful exit of a relationship in the past, and I'm being rejected.

And I'm like, well, is that true? Are you actually being rejected? And she said, with total certainty, yeah, I am. I said, well, show me the rejection. I. She said, well, he's ghosting me. He is not responding. That's a rejection. I'm like, well, is that true or is that just your perception of what's happening? What's actually happening here?

She said, well, he is not texting me. I'm like, okay, so that we know for certain. The truth is he's not texting you, he's not responding to you, or rather he just hasn't texted you a follow up after the date to organize the next date. But has he actually rejected you? Has he come out and said, I don't wanna be with you?

She said, well, no. [00:07:00] I said, so there's what's actually happening, and then there's your perception of what's happening. So you're looking at this event through a lens, and your lens is particularly colored in a particular color, and it's curved or convex to a certain degree. That's either making the. What you're looking at appear larger or smaller than what it actually is.

And so in essence, what you're looking at, as long as you're looking at it through the lens, is distorted. It's not the truth. It's an illusion. There's, there's distortions in the lens that are exaggerating, some features, maybe minimizing other features. And so as long as you are looking at it through your lens of perception, you're gonna struggle to see the truth of it.

But when we. Take the lens and just put it aside for a moment and say, what's the actual circumstances that we're looking at here? Then suddenly we see a different picture. In another example, I had a client who [00:08:00] was struggling in business and eventually decided to shut their business down, and at one point during our time together, they were describing their experience in that business as a failure.

I'm like, well, let's take it a step back. It's a failure based on what. Well, according to the metric of a business, being able to continue to exist, to perpetuate, to thrive, to go on. And I said, okay, what's the metric? What are you actually measuring this against? And they said, well, being a business of a specific size in revenue.

I'm like, okay. Well let's go back to when you started the business. What was the reason for starting the business? And the response was to learn. To give it a go and do the best that we can to provide an experience to as many people as we can and a product and, um, all the experiences associated with that product to as many people as we can, because we believe in that.

I'm like, great, did you do that? And how many people is that? And [00:09:00] the response was tens of thousands of people that they actually got to deliver that to. They got to have an impact to, they got to make that change. But then somewhere along the way, the focus changed from that being the intention of having the business to it being about growing the business to a specific size, to a specific revenue goal, to take on, uh, different challenges in the business climate.

As opposed to just getting back to, can we learn, can we experience a lot of learning, a lot of lessons in the process of building a business and can we help as many people as we possibly can in terms of delivering a product and experience to them that we believe in, that we care about? So I'm like, okay, if we go back to the original intention to why you started the business, did you fail or did you succeed?

And his response was, well, no, we succeeded. I'm like, great. But if we look at this through the lens of did you reach a specific revenue goal? Did you get to continue the business [00:10:00] for a specific amount of time? Is that a success or a failure? And he said, well, it's a failure according to that metric. I'm like, great.

Which one do you actually care about? Which one means something to you? And his answer was The first intention, why we got into business in the first place. I'm like, great. So was this. It was a success. It's just come to an end because you can't sustain that particular business model. That's all. He is like, wow, it's just a lens.

I'm like, yeah, as long as you're looking at something through a very specific lens where you're looking at it through whatever lens that you believe is the most valuable lens to look at things through, then you've gotta accept that there are distortions that is being colored. And if it's not your lens, if you've picked up somebody else's lens because you've believed the lens, they look at things through is important, and you take theirs and you're like, wow.

Okay. Well, according to their lens, this is a failure. I suck here. That person's horrible, and all of this in my life should change. Now, if that's a lens that you genuinely align with, then you would have to make [00:11:00] changes in your circumstances, in your life to suit, to, to create the outcomes that you're trying to create.

That better align with the lens. My suggestion is drop the lens, look at things objectively. Look at them for what they are. Ask yourself, is this true? Is that a failure? Okay. Yes. According to what though? Is this a success? Yes. Okay, great. And according to what? Now going back to this client who was feeling ghosted by this person she went on a date with, she's like, see, I failed.

I've been rejected again. I don't know why I bother. I said, you failed according to what? Is that actually true? How did you fail? She's like, well, he doesn't wanna be with me. I'm not worthy of being with him. Like, well, that's a leap. Because he hasn't texted you doesn't mean anything other than he might be busy, he might be sick, he might be dealing with something.

Maybe his work has pulled him into a situation that he can't actually talk about and he is gotta be cut off. Like some lawyers, when they've got court dates, they've got a court hearing they need to [00:12:00] be in. They're pretty much disconnected from their phone for however many days they're in the court hearing.

So we don't know what circumstances he's actually facing. All we do know is that he hasn't messaged you and he hasn't called you. But you are making the connection. You're making it mean because of the lens that you're looking at through that you are unworthy, you're not valuable. She's like, well, that makes me feel like I've failed at dating.

I'm like, well, that's again, the lens that you're looking at it through. The lens. I'm looking at this through is you succeeded. She's like, how? So? She kind of laughed at me like, here we go. And I said, you succeeded because you got out there again. You went on a date, you interacted with somebody, then you went on a date with 'em.

That's a win in my books. You broke the inertia of not getting out there. That was all I, that was the metric that I set for her. I was like, all I want you to do is go on a date, and if you can do that, if you can sit through an hour or so with [00:13:00] somebody else on a date, regardless of whether or not it turns into a relationship, regardless of whether or not it turns into anything at all.

The fact that you did it means you broke the inertia and now you know you can go on a date. So that's a vote of confidence in the direction of changing your circumstances. So my question to her was, did you go on a date? She said, well, yeah, I did. Like, great. Did you learn something about it? She said, well, I'm not really sure that maybe I'm unworthy.

I said, no. Did you learn that you can do it and that you can handle it? Because she had some anxieties and apprehensions about doing it in the first place. It was like, well, when you put it that way, yeah, I did. I'm like, great. All we needed to do was question what is true? What is perception? 'cause too often, way too often, we assume that perception is truth, but it's not.

The beliefs you've formed in your past are the result of perceptions you had. So you went through some kind of an event for the first time, you had [00:14:00] your own perception of it. You looked at it through a particular lens, and usually it's a polarized lens. It's one that's polarizing the positive or polarizing the negative, depending on how you're feeling or what you're experiencing emotionally in that event.

And based on your perception of that event, you develop a belief off the back of that, that these circumstances lead to pain, or this means that I'm unworthy, or in these situations I get pleasure from it, so I wanna do more of that. It's falling into one of these two categories. Pleasure or pain, typically.

And so then moving forward, you've based a belief on an illusion. You've based it on something that's not true. It's just a perception. So rather than looking at a circumstance for what it actually is, objectively you're, you are basing your belief that you are building the foundations of who you are on top of, on a lens that can be shattered.

So imagine building a house on [00:15:00] sand without the appropriate footings. That thing can shift and it becomes really volatile. And this is why most people, emotionally and psychologically, are volatile and they can't work out why I. It's not because people are weak individuals or that they're inferior or they just don't have their staff together.

It's simply that they've built their beliefs that they think are rock solid on sand, on a, on a glass lens that can shatter with the right questions. So if you start questioning your own perceptions and your own beliefs more often just by asking yourself the question, is this true? Or is it just my perception?

Then suddenly you get to shatter all the glass lenses that you're looking at your life through. You get to dig up the sand and start laying down solid footings, deep, solid footings that you know you can build a house on top of, and that house isn't gonna [00:16:00] move. So this one question, is it true? Can make all the difference to how you're actually feeling, but you've gotta be objective about the question.

You've gotta hold yourself accountable. Don't just let yourself get away with the beliefs that, well, yes, it's my truth, because that's, that's a contradiction if I can just call that out. I hear people saying to me often, this is my truth. The contradiction though, is truth implies that it can be verified by other people.

But it's difficult for people to verify their own perception of something because other people have their own perception. So you can only arrive at truth if everybody's perception of the same experience aligns. Now, I'm certain that you have experiences in your life that you perceive to be bad, that other people were a part of or witnessed that don't see it nearly as badly as you do.[00:17:00]

They may even see it in a positive light. And so that begs the question, whose perception is true? So if there's a circumstance where somebody else could possibly see the same situation in a different light, then your perception of it is not truth. It's just your perception and you've gotta be honest with yourself about that if you wanna break through the way you're seeing yourself and life around you.

That's why this question is so powerful. 'cause too often we're not questioning ourselves on that. We're willing just to buy into the story and buy into the narrative and the views and the emotions and all the illusions that we're conjuring up for ourselves. That it gets in the way of our ability to actually see the truth.

And the truth ironically, is what's gonna set you free. So ask yourself this question if you want to change your life, if you genuinely and truly want to empower yourself in ways that most people are not, ask yourself the question, is this true? And do it often. Do it daily. Do it frequently. And you will find, even if you just do it for one [00:18:00] year, if you do it for a year, you probably won't be able to stop.

And that's the whole point here. But if you just commit to doing it for a year and you measure your life at the beginning of the year and your life, at the end of the year, at least the internal experience of life, you will find a dramatic difference. Ask yourself that question. I do it daily. I don't stop.

Because I wanna make sure that the things that I'm believing are more likely to be true. And I know I'm not gonna have everything 100% true 'cause I've got my own stories and beliefs that I'm unconscious to. But I use that question to help me draw those beliefs out and change them so I get closer and closer to the truth.

Every little step that I live my life. So my hope is that this empowers you in a really interesting way. Don't ask other people this question. People will just get defensive and shut you down and maybe even attack you. Just do it for yourself. Just change your own perception of things, and you'll find people will be interested in how you've done it, and you can give them this.[00:19:00]

So anyway, that's me. I hope this has been valuable for you. Please make sure you tune in, you subscribe wherever you're listening to this or watching it, and please write a review. The written reviews make a big difference for people. And if you're not gonna leave a written review, it's totally fine. Leave us a five star review if it helps.

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Bye.