053 – Unwritten Life Rules


Join Giorgio in this insightful episode as he tackles the all-too-common issue of living by societal rules that don't truly fit us.

Giorgio shares his experiences with clients who resist change due to these unwritten rules and emphasises the importance of questioning and redefining them. Learn how to identify outdated beliefs, overcome the fear of judgment, and start living life on your terms. Giorgio offers practical advice on making incremental changes to create a life that's genuinely fulfilling and aligned with your true desires and values.

Tune in for a thought-provoking discussion on breaking free and embracing your own path.


Transcript

Giorgio: [00:00:00] All right, welcome to another episode of the podcast. Now, in this episode, I want to talk about something that's been coming up quite frequently in the last few months with clients, which has been interesting for me, because what I find has been happening, I'll be having a conversation with the client and providing some suggestions to help them navigate with different circumstances that they're wrestling with.

And they keep coming back with rebuttals and points of resistance and reluctance as to why they can't implement my suggestion because it doesn't fit in with the rules of life that they're playing by. And so when I start to dig into it, the conversation goes in a really interesting direction because I find that a lot of people are living life by a set of rules that have been set by Some collective faceless masters of some committee that i'm [00:01:00] yet to meet and so people say well you can't do it that way it's not the way you're supposed to do it i'm supposed to be married by thirty i'm supposed to have my first two children by thirty two or something like that.

I'm supposed to go and buy my home I can't rent forever I'm supposed to have a stable job and whatever job I pick needs to be my job for life when people are dating they're saying you know I can't I can't tell them I want to see them again within three days of seeing them because that comes off as desperate that's not how the rules are played and I'm like.

What game are you playing and by whose rules are you following which is really fascinating to me because everyone's kind of out there operating by a set of rules set by people they've never met probably don't even exist but everyone's agreeing to the same set of rules as a way to live their lives.

[00:02:00] Now, I'm not talking about law in your local jurisdiction. I'm talking about the way you live your life. Yes, adhere to the law. That generally works in your favor if you do so. When you don't, that typically catches up with you. So, my advice when it comes to the legal side of life, follow the law. They're usually there to help you.

But then, within the law, there are so many different ways that you can live your life. And, people are living their lives by a set of rules they have. Now, I use the words rules and beliefs interchangeably, and if you've read my book, you'll, you'll know that I say that in there too, because I believe that beliefs that people carry generally are a set of rules.

They live by these beliefs as if they're rules. And what's interesting is we tend to develop our beliefs early in life and yet our life in the context of our experiences change as we move [00:03:00] throughout the different stages and chapters of our lives but we don't update those rules all those beliefs to suit the newer circumstances that we face and so, where people start to trip over is not being flexible and adaptable not being willing to challenge these beliefs.

And these rules and the reason why this is really fascinating to me. Is because what a lot of people end up doing is they choose to play a game by a set of rules, the game of life by a set of rules set by other people that don't necessarily suit them or make sense for them, but they will try to shoehorn themselves in or be a square peg trying to squeeze themselves into a round hole in an attempt to conform and fit and experience acceptance from the collective group that they're a part of.

Even though that group may be invisible or only their family members and so in out of fear of rejection and being [00:04:00] ostracized and isolated, people will adhere to rules that they don't necessarily agree with or align with and so. I want this episode to be hopefully a bit of a lighthouse for you and maybe even be the thing you need to hear to give you permission to start living life by your own rules and playing your own game because the reality is, if you are playing life and playing a game that is somebody else's game set by the rules that somebody else has created you were destined to lose, you cannot win that game because you were playing somebody else's game.

They design the game for themselves and you're playing it so it's almost like going to a casino all the different options all the different games you can play at a casino, i get towards the house winning there in favor of the house that's intentional [00:05:00] because they need to keep the business running so they want to make sure that they're profiting from people gambling, no i don't endorse gambling i don't think it's a great way to spend your time or your money but that's how a lot of people live their lives they live their lives as if, They're just following the house rules, not really questioning them or even questioning the idea of whether it makes sense for them to be in that house.

So the analogy I like to use is, It's almost like you've got a soccer ball under your arm and you're standing out on a baseball pitch so everybody out there on the baseball pitch is there to play baseball and they're all in the different positions and you're standing there with a soccer ball under your arm going so what do i do who am i going to play with and you're trying to play the game of baseball but it doesn't work because.

You actually prefer to play soccer and playing soccer on a baseball field is really difficult not impossible but [00:06:00] really difficult and then the conversations you have with the different players on the field they're going to be asking you about your batting record and how many home runs you've had and stuff like that and you're like batting record I've never picked up a bat why would you ask me that and you feel this dissonance.

You feel like you can't relate to these people and you feel like you can't connect with them in a way that means something for you and so you can start to feel like a black sheep problem is. Not that you love soccer, the problem is that you're trying to force yourself to fall in love with baseball, when in truth if you were to go and find a soccer field to go, or I should be saying football for my Europeans, but if you go and find a soccer or a football field to go and play on, you will find that there are other people with round balls that have black and white patches all over them, kicking them around, dribbling, you will You know, kicking goals and stuff like that, playing different positions on the field and the conversations they're going to be having with you [00:07:00] is how many shots on goal have you had, what position do you play, what team do you follow, what's, what, what are the records you've set for yourself.

And so that's going to be a conversation that you can align with and suddenly you start to feel like you belong and they feel like this is, these are rules that I feel like I can play with and work with and this is a game I'm willing to play. And so you can start to play a game that you're more aligned with.

And you will probably do much better than if you were a soccer player trying to play baseball so my hope is that by listening to this episode you start to question the rules that you're living by and whether or not the rules that you genuinely believe, i'm not talking about conspiracy theories i'm not talking about the government trying to control people or big pharma or anything like that that's not where i'm going with this i'm just talking about the decisions you make about how you choose to live your life and how you make the bigger decisions of your life.

And what the expectations are [00:08:00] that you carry because I find myself having a lot of conversations with people and ultimately comes down to a set of expectations that they're carrying that they usually take on from other people either their friend circles or their family or parents and then they carry that through the rest of their life not willing to question the expectations.

That i should be married by now why am i still single why don't i have kids yet why can't i find a perfect partner i haven't been able to save enough what's wrong with me why can't i buy the house i should be owning my own house now and i can't do that and having all these different expectations as opposed to questioning them saying what am i genuinely aligned with.

How can I go and create that reality for myself, go and set my own rules for living my life, not so everybody else lives by them, but just you. So why might you want to stop playing the game that everybody else is playing? Well, [00:09:00] usually you'd want to do something like that because you're experiencing a set of symptoms in your life.

Things aren't working out the way you wanted them to. You're not making the kind of progress you want to make. Maybe you feel like you can't relate to other people. These are all usually signs that it's time to slow down and really question. Am I playing somebody else's game? Am I playing the game that I want to play?

Those symptoms are present in your life. Slow down and ask yourself the question, what game do I want to play and what rules do I want to play by? That's really important because your ability to do so, start asking those questions and shedding a light on that aspect of your life is going to encourage you to start forming a game or finding the game you want to go and play.

What I usually say when it comes to people questioning, starting to question whether or not they want to play the traditional game or form their own is some kind of existential moment in their lives. It might be the [00:10:00] result of the death of a loved one. It might be the end of a relationship. It may be that they've been made redundant or they've lost their job or.

Maybe they've traveled and open their eyes up to a completely different way of life and they come back to where they grew up or the environment they used to with a different perspective thinking why, why have I been living my life this way this whole time these are all different things that tend to trigger people into starting to ask the question like if it's not someone like me in your questioning you these external circumstances tend to trigger that.

Which is great i encourage people to put themselves in circumstances that get them to challenge their own reality because by challenging your own reality you start to. Look for opportunities that you were missing before that you were overlooking because you were so used to the monotony and the autonomy of your life everything is just so automatic you don't really thinking about it at least consciously now if you decide that you [00:11:00] want to go and create some.

New game for yourself and create a new set of rules for yourself. What is the common fear for people is that they tend to fear the rejection and the criticism and the judgment from other people around them, particularly family and close friends. The thing is you don't need to announce it. You don't need to post it on your social media account sharing with everybody.

I'm living my life by a different set of rules. Get on board or get the hell out. You don't need to do that. What I would advise doing though is getting clear on that and then keeping it to yourself and what you will find if people do start questioning you on the way you're living your life, typically those questions start to come externally for one of two reasons, either you have your own doubts about what you're doing and they're just reflecting those doubts to you.

Or what they're doing is they're projecting [00:12:00] their discomfort with you challenging their beliefs and their rules because you're living differently and there's a part of them that has probably wanted to live differently and they see you doing that. They kind of like challenged by the idea of you going and doing that because it's starting to challenge them saying, well, I don't really have an excuse to not go and do the same for me.

And so they will criticize you and judge you because it makes them feel uncomfortable about themselves. So come, come to those circumstances with a degree of understanding and empathy, because up until you questioning your own beliefs and the rules that you've been playing by, you have been feeling the same way they have.

You've been scared of doing that. Now, what I would suggest doing, which would probably help you. Is sitting down and asking yourself what do i believe needs to happen what what does my life need to look like in order for me to be content what is my life need to look like in order for [00:13:00] me to feel filled.

Or inspired what is it that you need in your life in order for you to feel these different things. And list them all out. Don't judge it, just let it come out. And then once you've done that, what I want you to do is reflect on it and look at how many of those things are things that you are consciously choosing for yourself, as opposed to things that you've bought into or believed based on what other people have said to you.

And you can go through and mark them differently. So you can either use, Different colored highlighters so like green the things that you've consciously chosen and pink or red might be things that you've agreed to the other people have shared with you as well you wanna go through and have a look at the different things the purpose of this, is to help you develop a clear understanding of the position you're in now then you wanna ask yourself.

What things do you genuinely want or inspired by to create in your life that aren't on that list and list those things out [00:14:00] what would be meaningful to you to travel the world to live abroad to live in a particular country to meet a partner to start a family or maybe not start a family whatever it is there's no.

And I don't want you to judge whatever comes out, but just get it all out. So you can see the various things that you would love to create for yourself. You want to list out all the different things that you believe you need in your life in order for you to experience that and make those the things that you genuinely are aligned with consciously, not what anybody else tells you you should have.

And if you find yourself judging it try to let go of the judgment just let it come through because those judgments may not even be your own they may be the voice of other people in your mind criticizing the things that you love and the best part of this whole process that you're going through you're not to share this with anyone this is personal and private for you.

These aren't things that you share with people. Now the reason why I'm asking you to do this is because I want you to start to [00:15:00] form your own construct of what your life is for you instead of subordinating to what everybody else is buying into, because if you're buying what everybody else is buying, if you're reading what everybody else is reading, you're going to think the same way they're thinking, you're going to look the same way they're looking, and you're not going to have a sense of individuality.

But that's what you deserve and you may not be giving that to yourself because you're unconsciously just accepting what everybody else is doing so my hope is that I start to kind of prompt you into thinking about things differently. And look the worst case scenario is if you start to execute a life where you start to create the situation for yourself that's actually inspiring that you're aligned with with these new sets of rules and beliefs and.

Goals that you're working towards and you find that you're uncomfortable with the way it's looking and you decide that it's not for you you can opt out and you can go back to conformity there's no judgment on that that's what you genuinely feel [00:16:00] like you want so be it go for it and if there are things on your list that you genuinely want for yourself and they happen to be the same things.

That society suggests that you should have that's okay to you not weak for conforming that may just be an overlap of similarities of things that you want and things that society things you should have for example, I like building my business I like generating income because the things that I'm doing help me earn an income and I love what I do so that could be seen as well you just conforming to the industry just, are you conforming to society and the rat race by making it economic.

Maybe i am that could be one way you look at it but i see it as me being able to do what i love doing generating an income so i can provide for myself my family reinvest in my business and continue to expand our operations in our reach right but through somebody [00:17:00] else's lens that would look like conformity so the whole point of this all of this is to not judge it.

Just be observant and curious because there are things that you want that will definitely overlap there also going to be things that do not overlap they may sit far out from it you may decide you want to be a research scientist that goes and lives in antarctica for months at a time that's kind of unexpected and.

Unusual, but that's fine. If that's what you want to go do, go and do it. If that genuinely inspires you, go and do it. There's so much about that experience that is outside of the standard societal experiences and expectations. That doesn't mean that you should not go and do it. And here's why. It's the whole point of this whole episode, and everything that I do, is you want to get to the end of your life, whenever that happens to be, and you want to look back on your life, and be able to say, I did things my way.[00:18:00]

I know I'm quoting Sinatra on that, but you want to be able to look after all is said and done, and say, I was able to live life according to my way of living, without arrogance, Without condescension, without pushing people away, but with authenticity, and say, I got to live life on my terms I got to create a really cool experience for myself and I got to interact with a lot of interesting people and do cool things what a incredible way to for me to live my life because the alternative would have been conforming to what everybody else wanted and I promise you you're not going to get to the end of your life and have a collective group of people around you saying we're so pleased you conformed thank you for conforming you made all of our lives better.

And you're probably going to resent the world because you conformed and you didn't receive any acknowledgement or appreciation for [00:19:00] it. So why not choose now to start creating a lane for yourself. Go step out onto the field that is aligned with the kind of game you want to play. And go and play the game with people that are playing a similar game to you.

You'll connect with them, you'll resonate with them, you'll be inspired by being around them. And as a result Your life will be filled with contentment and fulfillment. And what else could we ask for? I think that's what we're all here to experience, a deep sense of contentment and fulfillment, which usually opens our heart.

It makes us feel a sense of gratitude, a sense of genuine appreciation for our experiences and what we get to. Navigate while we're here. So start playing the game according to rules that inspire you. Go and play a game that inspires you instead of just sticking with tradition if that's what you're doing by [00:20:00] default.

Because default may not be for you. Default may be for you. You might find that your list, every single item on your list that genuinely inspires you, Are all societal expectations. Cool. That's fine. No judgement. If that's it, go and do that. If you know that you'll get to the end of your life inspired by that, then please go and do that.

But if not, if there are different areas of your life that you keep conforming, then And sacrificing your individuality for, and you're experiencing some kind of symptom in that area of your life where things aren't working or going as well, it's probably time, it's probably a sign for you to start to reflect, start creating a different reality for yourself, I promise you, you won't regret it, and like I said, if you do, there's always a parachute, you can tap out, exit, land softly, and get back to the way you were doing things.

You don't have to uproot your life, [00:21:00] you don't have to flip the table, storm out, you can make little changes incrementally, over the course of 12 months, and as you do that over the course of 12 months, and then another year, and then another year, within the space of 3 to 5 years, your life could look very different, which may feel scary, but you're not doing it overnight, you're doing it little by little, slowly creating changes, and they all add up through the compound effect.

Then you hit this inflection point where things just take off really quickly but for a while it's just little by little by little by little by little and then bang one day you'll stop you reflect in your face of holy shit my life actually looks different. The way it used to and all of that was because of all the little incremental changes you were making along the way my hope is that this episode.

Access a bit of a spark or a lighthouse for you where you start to. See things differently and gets you thinking differently and gives you something to keep coming [00:22:00] back to to reflect on Because you deserve to go and play life according to your own rules And go and play your game because you'll win at that as long as you're playing somebody else's game.

You were destined to lose. You're meant to lose playing somebody else's game because they made it for themselves, not for you. So go play your game and go play by your rules and you'll live an incredible life. I'm certain of it. Anyway, I hope that was helpful and that you got some value from it. Make sure you leave any comments.

If you're watching this on YouTube, leave a comment below. I'm in the comment section. I'm there with you guys. I'm responding. That's me. It's not my team and, um, I'll engage in that conversation with you. Otherwise, thank you for being here. Thanks for listening. And I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.


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