I’ve had my Jerry Maguire moment way too many times in my lifetime. Waking up at 3 am thinking what the f*ck am I doing? Where am I taking myself with this?
Monday mornings come with despair, frustration and angst. Five days later I feel the weight of Friday lifting whatever the week has delivered and looking forward to the weekend where I get to pretend to be normal with my wife. (She reminds me how abnormal I am)
The only thing lifting my spirits throughout these existential crises is the fact that the person I chose to distract myself from my intuition (my wife), is someone who holds an inner light that could nurture life on earth for centuries. I wouldn’t necessarily call that a shit life.
But I did.
I think, why is the rest of my time when not with my wife so difficult? Why am I experiencing so much struggle, discomfort and inner conflict when she’s not there to distract me? What am I doing or not doing that is leading me to this point?
Worse yet, the question I’m wrestling with the most is “What’s the point of all of this?” No matter how much effort I put into silencing this question, and how many people around me have told me to stop looking for the answer, it still haunts me like the furies of Orestes.
So I hit this point of frustration and despair. What the f*ck am I doing this for? What do I hope to achieve by walking down this particular path in my career and why do I feel so scared to stop?
Here’s a scary thought…
Because without this project or plan that I’ve been working on, what else will I do? I defined myself by what I had built and now I’m seriously considering destroying it. Which means I will be destroying the part of myself that I identified with.
(This is what’s commonly known as a midlife or identity crisis. Where after decades of building a life they thought they wanted, an individual comes to a point where they realise they don’t want it anymore and were identifying themselves with what they were doing instead of who they are. This creates a huge gap in their life and they attempt to fill it with material things).
Yes, I’m talking about Your Genius. I’ve spent years on this project working towards what I thought I wanted. I shared my plans and my vision with people. I spent tens of thousands of dollars with this vision in my mind of how things would turn out. Yet, here I am realising that it’s not what I want for myself.
I can hear someone saying “Play the violin, man! The sob story is becoming annoying.”
(Actually, it was me who said that).
The underdog / struggle / rags to riches story is frustrating and overused. When you feel like an underdog and unable to become a champion, it can become a drowning narrative. Besides, I’m really over dogs! (no pun intended) There must be 6 or 7 in neighbouring houses that don’t shut up.
Time for change
Anyway, I’m at a point where things needed to change in order for me to function and move forward with some sense of sanity and purpose.
For too long I’ve ignored all of the “freeway exit approaching” signs. If I don’t take this next exit, it’ll be too late for the next one. I’ve been driving on this road for a long time and need to pull over, find a bed and reroute my trip.
Think of this as a heads up. Things are going to change around here and it’s because I’m looking for something I know deep down will not be found at Your Genius.
Why am I changing things around?
Simple, when I first founded Your Genius I created the business as something for me to hide behind. To me, that was a safer option than building a personal brand. It meant that if anyone decided to reject or ridicule me I was protected by the name Your Genius. The consequences of doing business that way meant that I wasn’t putting myself entirely into my work. I spent more time trying to build the brand than sharing my message and teachings with you.
So now, realising the above, I will be doing things as Giorgio Genaus. This is another opportunity for me to learn something new about myself and for you to do the same. Own all of your parts and you’ll feel less resistant about sharing who you are with the people around you, close and distant.
Here’s what’s going to change;
- I’ve moved the Your Genius blog to my personal site (giorgiogenaus.com/blog)
- The anxiety ebook and online courses will also move to giorgiogenaus.com and will continue to be available here for you.
- I will continue to share my journey on my personal blog. I know there will be people who can use my story to help them on their journey – either now or in future days.
So, what’s this journey that I’m taking?
Since I was young I’ve wanted to know what we’re here for and why we live our lives the way we do.
As my wife reminds me, I ask “why” a lot. And for whatever reason, I can’t stop asking. So as I continue to uncover more answers to these questions about life, I will share them with you and anyone who cares to listen or read.
It’s a real person’s experience looking for the answers to life and I’m not letting myself stop until I find them. Don’t we deserve to know the answers?
So what’s next?
Well, over the coming weeks you’ll see that Your Genius becomes a quiet house and there’ll be a sign out the front saying “we’ve moved up the road” to a small cliffside home filled with books on topics from all aspects of life, with the kettle boiling for another cup of tea to warm the stomach, and stories to warm the soul.
Just make sure you ring the doorbell when you arrive.
With warmth,
Giorgio Genaus