In this episode, I want to talk about something many of us wrestle with—seeking validation. This need for approval can quietly shape our choices, consume our time, and lead us down paths that leave us feeling empty. I’ve reflected deeply on my own experiences and worked with clients who’ve struggled with this same issue. What I’ve realised is that chasing validation is a trap we fall into, often without even knowing it.
We don’t come into this world lacking validation. As infants, we’re surrounded by love, even if we don’t consciously recognise it. But as we grow and our expectations of validation develop, something changes. Maybe it’s a parent who didn’t show approval when we needed it most, a teacher who overlooked our efforts, or a friend who let us down. These moments can create a void, one that we spend years—sometimes decades—trying to fill.
Here’s the thing: the void isn’t real. It’s just a perception. And yet, it drives us to seek approval in all the wrong places—buying things we don’t need, chasing achievements for the sake of recognition, or trying to prove ourselves to people who may not even notice.
The good news? You can break this cycle. And it starts by looking back.
- Reflect on the first moment you felt unvalidated. Who were you looking to for approval?
- Then, recognise who was validating you, even if it wasn’t the person you wanted it from. Gratitude often gets buried beneath our unmet expectations, and shifting your focus can change everything.
As you do this work, you’ll begin to see that the validation you thought was missing was actually there all along—it just came from unexpected places. This is life showing you that your worth was never tied to anyone’s opinion.
Slowing down is key. When you let go of this invisible driver of validation-seeking, you’ll find space to focus on what truly matters to you. You’ll stop chasing approval and start living in alignment with your values. Trust me, this isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. I’ve seen the profound changes this process can bring—not only in my own life but in the lives of my clients as well.
I need to give credit where it’s due. The exercise I shared is inspired by John Demartini’s work, and his method has been a game-changer for me. If this resonates with you, I encourage you to explore more of his teachings.
At the end of the day, remember this: your worth isn’t something you need to prove. It’s not tied to what you achieve, what you own, or who validates you. You’re worthy just as you are.
So, take a moment to pause, reflect, and give yourself permission to let go of the need for validation. Your life will transform—not overnight, but gradually, in the most profound ways.
Let’s make it a point to stop running and start being. Your journey to self-worth doesn’t begin at some far-off destination. It starts right now.
[00:00:00] Welcome to another episode.
[00:00:02] Now in this episode, I want to talk about seeking validation.
[00:00:07] The reason for this is it's something that I've been reflecting on quite a lot over the course of recent weeks and months.
[00:00:14] Looking back at my own experiences, I realized where I sought validation from others.
[00:00:21] Today, I’ll share insights to help you overcome this need for validation from others.
[00:00:40] None of us come into the world lacking validation. We come into the world loved and appreciated, even if we don't recognize it at the time.
[00:00:50] We’re born as a "ball of love," receiving and giving love in a beautiful exchange.
[00:01:30] But as we grow, expectations of validation emerge, and unmet expectations create pain, frustration, and a "void."
[00:02:00] When there's a void, we unconsciously seek ways to fill it—buying things, pursuing achievements, or craving recognition.
[00:03:30] The problem is these efforts don't heal the underlying wound. It's like using a band-aid for a wound that needs stitches.
[00:05:00] Reflect on when this need for validation started. Go back to childhood moments—what was the first time you felt unvalidated?
[00:07:30] Who was the person you expected validation from? A parent, sibling, or teacher? Reflect on their absence in providing that.
[00:10:00] Next, identify someone who *did* validate you, even if it wasn’t the person you expected. It could have been a friend, grandparent, or another figure.
[00:12:00] Shifting your focus helps cultivate gratitude and reframe how you see your past experiences.
[00:15:00] The key is slowing down. Stop letting unconscious behavior control your time and energy.
[00:17:30] By shifting your perception of validation, you'll naturally change your behaviors. This process takes time but has profound effects.
[00:22:00] Remember, you’re worthy of validation simply as you are. It’s not tied to achievements or expectations.
[00:30:00] The exercise I’ve shared comes from John Demartini's work. I encourage you to explore his teachings.
[00:35:00] Thank you for joining. If this episode helped, leave a review—it makes a big difference!
[00:36:00] See you in the next episode.